It’s been a long time since I posted anything. Honestly, this “being alive” thing? Not always user-friendly. Between the chaos of the new U.S. administration, the slow grind of work, and the heartbreak of losing my beloved dog, Dobby, I fell into a deep depression.

Now, even on good days, I struggle to find time or energy to blog, make stuff, or do anything beyond sheer survival mode. So when life goes completely off the rails? I do what any overwhelmed mystic with executive dysfunction does—I go to ground. Deep, burrow-down-in-the-cave, eat-cereal-in-bed ground.

I’m late-diagnosed autistic. I’ve known I had ADD since childhood, which has now been bundled under the snazzier umbrella term: ADHD. But surprise! If you’re not hyperactive (I’m hypoactive if anything), you’ve got what they now termed “Inattentive ADHD.” No one sent me the memo. The psychologist who diagnosed me admonished me because “Type IV ADD: Overfocused” isn’t actually a thing. Cool. Sorry my diagnosis was 40 years ago when they used different terms.

So now I’m AuDHD: Autism + ADHD. It’s a neurodivergent double feature, with a runtime of forever.

This cocktail of brain wiring means I sometimes vanish like a cryptid in a fog bank. No reward or pep talk or productivity app can pry me off the couch. I keep up just enough to maintain my job and occasionally forage for groceries (because cooking? Not happening). I ghost my friends, cancel plans, eat food that screams “regret,” and spiral about my blood sugar. Lather, rinse, repeat. It’s less “self-care” and more “dystopian feral.”

But! Lately, I’ve been slowly crawling back from the abyss. A little art here. A little cooking there. I even bought some herbs and vegetable plants for my garden like the whimsical swamp witch I aspire to be (my cluttered house? I like to call it cottage core, thank you very much!).

And—drumroll please—I’m writing again.

Now, why am I telling you all this? Because if you’re neurodivergent and stuck in a similar slump, I want you to know: I see you. I believe in you. I am 100% cheering you on from the mossy sidelines. Life hurls curveballs, and sometimes, we just need to curl up and rest. Really rest. The kind where your body turns off and you go to ground like Lestat de Lioncourt after yet another emotional relationship meltdown.

I’ve recently learned how real and brutal autistic burnout can be—for the body, the mind, and the soul we all carry inside us. So if you need rest? REST.

But when the time comes—and only you can say when—start again at your own speed. Go toward what gives you life. Don’t force yourself into the grooves of other people’s timelines. As Theodore Roosevelt may or may not have said, comparison is the thief of joy. And joy is already on a tight budget.

For me? Art is medicine. And to be crystal clear, I am not a trained artist. I just really like mixing colors and making weird little swirly things on paper. I watch YouTube tutorials on watercolor, acrylics, markers—whatever catches my interest—and I copy them, badly and joyfully. My hands shake, my depth perception is trash, and I do it anyway. It calms my nervous system in a way that nothing else does.

Art is, in my view, a subversive act. A holy rebellion. When we make art, we tell the productivity-obsessed world to take a seat. Art is full-brain engagement. It’s meditation with glitter. And for those of us who can’t sit still and “empty the mind” without intrusive thoughts spiraling out of nowhere, this kind of creation is our meditation.

I’ve tried for years to meditate, but if my brain is stuck in hyper-focus hell, forget it. Art, cooking, gardening—these are my portals to peace. They slow the thoughts, reset the circuits, and help me reconnect with my intentions.

Perfection? Nope. Not needed. I’m just trying to silence the inner noise and make something that feels like me.

One particular practice that helps me is neurographic art, a method created by Russian psychologist Pavel Piskarev in 2014. It’s kind of like drawing your own neural pathways into peace. Here’s a great intro video by Keren Tamir if you want to try it:
👉 https://youtu.be/p4bTnRqUNSM?si=o7knq1kO5sppqzDo

Too much? Totally fine. Here’s another option: Grab a kid’s watercolor set, swirl the brush around like you’re casting a spell, and call it a masterpiece. There are no rules. No deadlines. No judges.

Use what you’ve got. Want to make smiley face thumbprints? Yes. Stick figures? Absolutely. Doodle in the margins of your bills? Divine. Watch art tutorials for hours and never pick up a brush? Still counts. The point is joy. The point is you.

So if you’re emerging from your own cocoon—or still chilling in it like the mysterious, magical creature you are—I hope you know you’re not alone. I’m here, swirling paint and whispering nonsense into the void, cheering you on with every brushstroke.

You’ve got this. In your own way. In your own time. And I’ll be here, making swirlies until you’re ready to join me.